Iilwimi zothando

Iilwimi ezintlanu zothando-isixhobo sobudlelwane

lawula888 Iindaba zamva

Uthando? Imfihlakalo. ” Kodwa inye indlela yokunceda ukuyichaza kungokuqonda iilwimi ezintlanu zothando. Sebenzisa esi sixhobo sobudlelwane ukuphucula ubomi bakho bothando. USuzi Brown, umcebisi wezemfundo kwiReward Foundation, uchaza apha ngezantsi indlela esinokuyisebenzisa ngayo ukuze sizuze.

Yintoni uLwimi loLuthando? 

Ulwimi lothando yingcinga equlunqwe ngu UGqr Gary Chapman. Ngamava akhe njengomcebisi womtshato, waqala wafunda ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kubudlelwane. Ngokukodwa, wabuza ukuba elinye okanye omabini amaqabane aziva ngathi iqabane labo alibathandi. Ufumanise ukuba sikhula sifunda ukubonisa uthando ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, okanye 'iilwimi' ezahlukeneyo. Uthi ngaphandle kokuba siyaluqonda 'ulwimi' lomnye nomnye, akunakulindeleka ukuba sikwazi ukubanceda abo sibathandayo bazive bethandwa ngokwenene. Isifundo sikaChapman samkhokelela ekubeni agqibe ekubeni zintlanu iindlela eziphambili (okanye iilwimi) abantu abaziva bethandwa ngazo.  

UChapman usebenzisa isikweko setanki lothando. Xa itanki lethu lothando ligcwele zizenzo zothando kunye namagama siziva sithandwa, sixabisekile kwaye sikhethekile. Ukuze sibe netanki elipheleleyo lothando, kufuneka siqonde iintshukumo kunye okanye amagama asincedayo siziva sithandwa. 

Ukufunda uLwimi lwakho loThando 

Njengoko sikhula sifunda ngothando kunye nobudlelwane ikakhulu kubazali bethu okanye abasikhathalelayo. Sibona isenzo kunye namagama abonisa uthando ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye. Kwakhona sifunda ukufumana uthando kubazali okanye kubantakwethu. Obu buhlobo obakhayo 'busifundisa' indlela yokubonisa kunye nokwamkela uthando.  

Ngelishwa, njengabantu abanesiphako kunye namava ethu othando komnye okanye bobabini abazali kusenokwenzeka ukuba khange babenalo ithemba. Nangona kunjalo, ukuqonda kunye nokusetyenziswa kweelwimi zothando kunokwenzeka kuye wonke umntu. Kuyenzeka ukuba wenze utshintsho kubudlelwane bakho, uvumele ukutshintshiselana okuhle kothando kunye neqabane lakho okanye usapho ngoku nakwixesha elizayo. 

Ngaphandle kokucinga ngako, sifuna ukukholisa nokuthanda abanye ababalulekileyo ebomini bethu. Rhoqo sikwenza oku ngokukopa esikubonileyo kwixesha elidlulileyo okanye sinike uthando ngendlela esinqwenela ukuyifumana ngayo. Iingxaki zinokwenzeka xa sinika uthando ngendlela enye engenakho ukuyifumana. Kungenxa yokuba banendlela eyahlukileyo yokubonisa kunye nokwamkela uthando.  

Ukuqonda ulwimi lwakho lothando kubalulekile. Fumanisa kwaye unxibelelane neqabane lakho malunga nolwakho kunye nolwimi lwabo lothando. Le yindlela entle yokunceda ukwakha ubudlelwane obunothando nobonwabisayo. 

Yintoni ezalisa itanki lakho lothando? 

Uthando luyimfuneko kunye nomnqweno kwindalo iphela. Silindele uthando kwiintsapho zethu. Kuqhelekile ukufuna uthando kwabanye ukuze uqinisekise ukuxabiseka kwethu kunye nexabiso lethu emhlabeni. Ngelishwa, abantu bahlala beziva bengathandwa kwaye bengathandwa. Enye indlela onokuvula ngayo umnyango wetanki yakho yothando ziiLwimi ezintlanu zothando.

Iilwimi ezintlanu zothando zezi: 

1. Amagama okuvuma 

Oku kubandakanya ukufumana ukuncoma, ukuxabisa. Kubandakanya ukunxibelelana ngeyona nto ilungileyo ngomntu, oku kunokuthiwa ngokuvakalayo okanye kubhalwe phantsi. Ukuqinisekiswa kungabakho ngezinto ezincinci ezinje ngokuthetha ukuba zintle kangakanani na iimpahla. Inokubakhuthaza ukuba baqonde kwaye baphuhlise izakhono kunye nezakhono zabo. 

2. Ixesha loMgangatho 

Oku kuthetha ukunika iqabane lakho ingqwalaselo yakho eyahlukileyo kunye nokugxila. Kubandakanya ukugcina iziphazamiso njengeefowuni eziphathwayo kunye nezixhobo zisezantsi xa nichitha ixesha kunye. Rhoqo umnqweno wolu lwimi luthando uvakaliswa kumabinzana anje ngala: 'Asisoze siphinde senze izinto kunye.' 'Xa sasithandana sasidla ngokuhamba lonke ixesha okanye sincokole iiyure.' 

3. Ukufumana izipho 

Ayisiyomali le! Rhoqo izipho ezifunekayo ziyafuzisela-ukubaluleka kwazo kukucinga ngasemva kwesipho. Kubandakanya izenzo zokucinga; umyalezo onothando oshiyekileyo ukuba babhaqe, isipho esibonisa ukuba uyayiqonda into ebenza bancume, ubukho bakho ngamaxesha obunzima. Zonke ezi ziindlela ezibonisa lo mntu ukuba zibalulekile kuwe xa nindawonye nahlukene. 

4. Imisebenzi yeNkonzo 

Oku kuxhaphakileyo kuyazibonakalisa ekwenzeni imisebenzi yasekhaya. Kubandakanya ukubonisa omnye umntu ukuba ukulungele ukumnceda. Oku kunokusebenza kwiprojekthi kunye okanye ukuhlamba ngaphandle kokucelwa. 

5. Ukubamba uMzimba 

Sinokusebenzisa ukuchukumisa ukunxibelelana nazo zonke iintlobo zemiyalezo eyakhayo- ukubulisa ngobuhlobo, inkuthazo, ukuvuyisana, imfesane kunye nothando. Xa umnxeba urhoxisiwe emntwini unokuziva ngathi ukwaliwa okubuhlungu. Ezinye iindlela zokuchukumisa zicacile; ukubamba ngesondo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo, umqolo okanye unyawo olugudlileyo-zonke ezi zifuna ixesha kunye nengqwalaselo yakho. Ezinye iifom azicacanga; ukubetha kwentamo xa iqabane lakho lihlamba, cuddling esofeni, ukubamba ukukhanya kwengalo yabo xa uphuma kwigumbi. Ukuphendula kumnwe wokuchukumisa kuhlala kunxulumene namava osapho. Isenokuba nakho ukubamba ngaphakathi kosapho olubonakalisayo okanye hayi.

Kubalulekile, njengazo zonke iilwimi zothando, ukuthetha neqabane lakho malunga nezinto ezenza ukuba bazive bethandwa xa kufikwa 'kulwimi' lwabo. 

UMBUZO: Sebenzisa iilwimi zothando kubudlelwane bakho 

UChapman ufumanise ukuba umntu ngamnye uhlala enolwimi 'oluphambili'. Inokuba yeyenye ebonisa uthando kubo kwaye yenza ukuba itanki labo lothando lizaliswe. Indawo yokuqala yokufumanisa ulwimi lwakho lothando kukuthathela ingqalelo: 'Ndagqibela nini ukuziva ndithandwa kakhulu?' Kukho nemibuzo yokufumanisa ulwimi lwakho lothando apha:  https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ 

Oku kukubonelela ngesiqalo sencoko neqabane lakho. Ungababuza ukuba bagqibele nini ukuziva bethandwa kakhulu.  

Nangona kukho iilwimi ezintlanu, kufanelekile ukukhumbula ukuba sonke sahlukile. Nangona ulwimi oluqhelekileyo lubonisa uthando emntwini, kuya kubakho iindlela ezithile kunye nendlela yokubonisa uthando kubo kolo lwimi. 

Sebenzisa iilwimi zothando nabantwana bakho 

Into ephambili apha kukujonga, ngakumbi ukuba abantwana bakho bancinci. Nokuba umncinci, umntwana uya kuphuhlisa ukuthanda ulwimi olunye okanye ezimbini. Oku kuya kubonakala kwindlela abonisa ngayo uthando kuwe.  

Ukuba bafuna ukukubonisa umsebenzi wabo wobugcisa wamva nje okanye bakuxelele konke malunga nosuku lwabo olunomdla, kusenokwenzeka ukuba lolona lwimi lwabo luthando lixesha. Nanini na xa benombulelo ngokukodwa kwaye bexabisa izinto ozenzela bona, olona lwimi lwabo luthando lusenokuba yimisebenzi yenkonzo. Ukuba ubathengela izipho kwaye babonisa ngazo kwabanye okanye babanyamekele ngokukodwa, oku kuphakamisa ukuba izipho lolona lwimi lwabo luthando. Ukuthinta kubalulekile kubo ukuba, xa bekubona bebaleka ukuza kukuwola baze bakange, okanye bafumane iindlela ezingacacanga zokukuphatha. Oku kunokubandakanya ukukhwaza, ukubetha kancinci, ukukhubekisa xa ungena emnyango. Ukuba bathetha ngokukhuthazayo, bencoma kwaye bencoma, amagama okuvuma ngokuqinisekileyo angalulwimi lwabo lothando. 

Bantwana

Abazali bahlala beqala ukuthetha zonke iilwimi ezintlanu ebantwaneni babo xa beziintsana - bebambe, bephathaphatha kwaye bephuza, bebaxelela ukuba bahle kangakanani, bahle, bomelele kwaye banobuqili bezinto zendalo njengoko umzali eyoliswa ngumntwana wabo kunye nempumelelo yabo njengoko bekhula. Ngaphandle kwemisebenzi yenkonzo; ukondla, ukucoca njl. umntwana uya kufa. Kuqhelekile ukuhlamba iintsana kunye nabantwana abancinci ngezipho, kunye nokwenza ixesha lokudlala okanye iiprojekthi apho bakwiziko. Kuya kubaluleka ukuqhubeka nokubonisa uthando emntwaneni wakho ngazo ZONKE ezi ndlela, kodwa luya kunxibelelana nothando kakhulu kubo xa uchonga kwaye usenza ngolwimi lwabo lokuqala lothando. 

Ukuba umntwana wakho mdala ngokwaneleyo, unokufuna ukubakhuthaza ukuba bathathe imibuzo yolwimi lothando, usebenzisa ikhonkco elingasentla. Esi inokuba sisixhobo esiluncedo ukuqala incoko malunga nendlela abaziva bethandwa ngayo kwaye ikwenza ukuba ufumane iindlela zokubonisa oku kubo. 

USuzi Brown 

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